i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
