Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Randomize
