sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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