Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
