dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
