Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
