All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
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