when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
