I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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