you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
