Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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