loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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