The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Randomize
