So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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