I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
