I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Everyone says I win the strip club
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
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