I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
