I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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