You can't special order awesome
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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