you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize