Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
