just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
