Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize