her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
