my mouth tastes like poor choices
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
