I accidentally burped into my bong.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
