how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
