I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
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