theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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