Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
