Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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