I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
