Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Randomize
