I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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