even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
