Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
