Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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