I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
