she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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