i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize