thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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