What tipped you off? The sombrero?
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize