I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize