dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
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