Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
