1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
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