and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
