im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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