office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
