a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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