I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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