I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Randomize
