Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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