i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
