I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
