He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I need water and some morals
Randomize
