Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
We talked him into tasing himself.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
