get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
He did a backflip because drugs
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
