I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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