i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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