did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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