i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I just gargled with NyQuil
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Randomize
