allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
