I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
