why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
