Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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