so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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