If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
